Just Hold On A Little Longer…
Feb 26, 2022
Grief is debilitating. Even when you try to deal with it in a "healthy" manner, it will still leave you exhausted and ready to throw in the towel. It's like a ball and chain; everywhere I go, my grief goes with me. I often catch myself thinking, "I should be over it by now." But there is no "getting over it"; you get only get through it. I can only speak from my own experience; it gets better. I won't say that the pain ever goes away, but it gets easier to manage. I strongly suggest therapy! It's essential to the healing process because you can't do it independently. Some of you will probably say you have friends and family to talk to, but NEWS FLASH it's not their responsibility, nor is it right to place the burden of your healing onto someone else. I am so grateful that I not only took the life-changing step to seek help in therapy, but I'm also thankful that God always provides. I was able to not only find a therapist that I love but one that I can afford! I know that affordable healthcare can be a big challenge to many, but there are resources for those who want it.
There's not a day that goes by that I don't think or talk about my mother and my sister Krystal. You never know when it's going to hit you! I heard one of my mother's favorite songs on the radio the other day on my way to work. Let's say I cried the whole morning, and when I tried to suck it up, I cried some more. But then I have those moments where I am reminded of them, bringing me joy and comfort. I live for the moments when I hear my momma "record," as she used to call it, and I think of the little dance she used to do. Those moments where I hang out with my nieces, and they say or do something that Krystal would do. These experiences remind me that even though they are no longer here physically, they are still with us spiritually.
My prayer in this season is, "Lord, allow me to BELIEVE what you see in me." I chose this prayer because the more significant the calling on your life, the more the enemy will attack you. His tricks will have you believing that you are less than, but God sees us differently. We are made in his image, and once you truly believe and live in the power you have, the world starts to look different. As I reflect, I understand that I am where I need to be, even though it's not necessarily where I WANT to be. I am EXTREMELY uncomfortable with where I am in my career. Education can be a complex field to work in; when policies are put into place that you strongly disagree with, it can make an already challenging situation even more difficult. I am my mother's daughter, and if you knew her, you knew she had some fire in her. I have always seen her stand up for others, and no matter how big the battle may have been, Shyril Glenn would go to WAR for the people that she loved! I am naturally an advocate for others which I inherited from her, and when I tell you all, it's a blessing and a curse! I am always speaking up and fighting for the rights of my fellow educators and, more importantly, the children!
With the morale being so low at work, I constantly have encounters with miserable people, and it's starting to weigh down on me spiritually and emotionally. I have never questioned what I bring to the classroom more than I have in these last six months! When your confidence is low, the passion you have starts to dwindle, which can be a dangerous space to be in, especially in education. It's essential to stay connected to God in these seasons because he will give you clarity. I am in this uncomfortable position in my career because I need to FEEL this to know what NOT to do whenever I decide to step into a leadership role. This season of discomfort has inspired me to go back to school myself and finish my degree. I am tired of working under people who don't know or even care about the teachers or the children. I pray that I can be the leader that I currently need one day. With every trial comes a lesson, and I encourage you to seek God and figure out the lesson during your season of tribulation and learn from it. Please take the opportunity to leave every space that you enter into better than you came into it. Every day we wake up with breath in our bodies, we are blessed to change the world. Even in our darkest moments, God's light still shines through us.
My prayers are with those who are having a rough season; I know it may seem like it will never end, but the bible says, "For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."- Psalm 30:5
Just hold on a little longer…….
God is Love, and His Love for us is unimaginable. I have endured so much, but I am not ignorant to the fact that I have always been divinely protected throughout my life. I thank God every day for the angels watching over my family and me. Thank you for your continued support and for allowing me to show you grief through my eyes. I pray that my words reach those who feel broken and lost. God has not forgotten about you, and He sees and loves you!
