Lessons Of 2023...
This year, I have learned that there is power in vulnerability. To move forward, you must face whatever haunts you from your past; it will sneak up on you if you don't. Unhealed trauma shows up in many ways in our lives, and while it can be intimidating to face, once you do, it no longer has power over you. One of the goals that I set for myself this year was to find comfort in my discomfort. I mainly set this goal for social settings. As most of you know, I am naturally an introvert. I find it challenging to enter a room full of people and feel like I belong. I find myself "hiding" while going out and socializing. This year, I went to a church conference by myself. The conference was not at my church, and I chose that conference specifically because I knew I wouldn't know anyone there.
As I participated in the conference, I paid attention to my body and feelings. When I felt the most anxious, I would observe my surroundings to see what was causing it. We must honor ourselves and our emotions in those moments because, a lot of the time, it stems from our childhood. The older I got, the more I realized there was still a little girl inside me. Young Jaz is screaming for someone to show up for her because the adults failed to pour into her when they were supposed to. During the conference, I discovered my fear of rejection caused me to be nervous. One of the mistakes that I have made in my past was not giving myself grace when it comes to my mental health. I have to constantly change my thoughts because, in those moments of discomfort, I beat myself up for what I perceive as "weird." There is nothing "weird" about anxiety. It's perfectly "normal" to be nervous and be in a room full of people you don't know and be anxious. The key is not to let the anxiety overwhelm you and prevent you from making an impact and connecting with others. Once I realized what was triggering me, I told myself I belonged at the "table" just as much as anyone else. I was able to enjoy the conference and take away some life-changing lessons.
As I grow and transform into the person God has called me to be, I notice my relationships shift around me. God has revealed three things to me regarding my relationships in general. He first told me, "Boundaries are a form of self-care." Sometimes, people will see that you are a good person and completely take advantage of you. Secondly, he showed me that "No" is not just a word but a complete sentence! I no longer feel the obligation to explain myself. We put too much pressure on ourselves, thinking that if we don't agree to something, the whole world will come crumbling down. Guess what? They'll figure it out! The last thing he told me about relationships was that "Loving from a distance is enough grace." People will try to test you once you start to put boundaries in place. They'll talk about you and say you're acting "funny." If that's the case, call me a comedian because I'm about to start acting "HILARIOUS." The ones we love tend to cause the most pain in our lives. Grace is a gift you cannot earn but is given freely, and as I continue to grow in Christ, sometimes I extend grace by distancing myself to prevent further strain on the relationship.
Reflecting on 2023, I am so grateful for God and his continued love and protection over my life. He has just been so good to me. He made a way out of no way and has moved many mountains for me. I may have some scars, but I'm thankful for my battle wounds as they remind me of God's consistent favor over my life. I am walking into the new year with an understanding that God has planted me here for a reason, so my only option is to grow.
Thank you all for your continued support. I pray you all have a wonderful holiday season and a happy holiday! To the ones struggling this season, I pray that God's perfect peace rests upon you.
