5 Year Reflection... Resilience
Today, it is 5 years since my mother gained her heavenly wings. When you lose a mother, no matter the relationship, there is a spiritual change that happens within you. We were formed in our mother’s womb, and when she is no longer in the land of the living, it changes you in more ways than one. I expected to feel sad today, and maybe that will come later, but I am genuinely at peace. If you would’ve told me that I would be where I am today 5 years ago, I wouldn’t have believed you. Living even 24 hours without my mom didn’t seem obtainable. The deeper I get into this journey of grief, the more I realize how strong my mother was and the power and strength that she passed down to me. I always find myself reflecting and thinking of things she would’ve done or how she would’ve handled a situation. She used to give me lectures about life and how to carry myself, and while it annoyed me at the time, I am grateful that it stuck with me.
Many people don’t know this, but twins run in my family. My mother was a twin, my father is a twin, and they had a set of twins. My mother lost her twin brother at the age of 46, and I lost my twin sister at the age of 32 in March of last year. I wanted my mom; I NEEDED her. She would’ve been the only person who truly understood the unique grief that you experience when losing a twin. I had to step up and make decisions that I never anticipated having to make at 32, but I thought about my mom, and by God’s grace, I was able to pull through.
In all transparency, life has been coming at me hard since the loss of my mother, and all I can say is, “But God!” If you are new to my journey, you may not know that within the last 5 years in addition to losing my mother, I also lost my older sister Krystal and my twin sister Kendra. All three losses have significantly altered who I am. While losing them was the worst pain I have ever experienced, all three hit me in very different ways. I am so thankful for God’s hand on my life. It has been a dark few years, but he has NEVER left me, even when I was angry and tried to push him away. He gave me peace and understanding when I tried to make sense of everything happening. Some things are not for us to understand, but God is so compassionate and graceful that He will reveal it when you seek him. He has given me the strength and courage to continue the fight.
As I reflect over the last few years, the word “Resilience” comes to mind. According to Google, Resilience: is the capacity to withstand or recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. One lesson that has stuck with me the most is that if God puts it on your heart to do, then do it even when you’re afraid. We let a lot of things get in our way due to fear, but God has us covered. I have fought the most brutal battles and had to make the most challenging decisions, but God gave me strength, and I know my mother was with me the whole time. I could literally hear her voice at times, ensuring everything would be alright.
Since my mother’s passing, God has allowed me to share and inspire others worldwide. Not just people who have lost a parent, sibling, or even a twin but people who have gotten a terminal diagnosis and felt seen through my writings and testimony. Grief is complicated, and we all have experienced it. Grief doesn’t have to be a physical death, but it could be the loss of self, a relationship, a dream, or a job. The important thing is to acknowledge the loss and allow God to use you and turn your pain into purpose. Some things are flat-out demonic attacks beyond our control, but don’t you dare let the enemy steal your praise! I know that this may sound cliché, but what the enemy used to try to kill you will be the very thing that God will use to catapult you into your destiny.
As I end this blog, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Thank you all for continuing this journey with me. I thank God for another opportunity to walk into purpose. I have a great feeling about 2025 and the opportunities to come. Please continue to keep my family and me in your prayers, and I will continue to do the same for you and yours.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.-Romans 8:28
-Jazmin Elaine
