Gratitude
The best Thanksgiving I’ve ever had was spent in a Hospice center while visiting my mother. While we were all brokenhearted and overwhelmed with grief, we put our feelings to the side and lived in the moment. We shared a meal and sang her favorite songs. Nothing else mattered except family and being there for one another. The holiday season hasn’t been the same since my mother gained her Heavenly wings, and I know I’m not the only one who has experienced the loss of the “glue” in the family. We all have that one person in the family we can all depend on. The one person whose house becomes everyone’s “home.” There is a great amount of comfort you experience when you know you can always go “home.” What happens when the glue of the family is no longer with us?
The empty chairs at the tables and memories are all we have left. The holidays aren’t the same once the “glue” is gone. Gratitude is what will ultimately bring you through. When you shift your perspective, even in seasons of loss and sadness, there is still so much to be thankful for. My mother was diagnosed with Cancer in 2018, and I remember the exact moment that she told me. It was Halloween, and she called me to help her pass out some candy. She looked at me and said, “I have Cancer, but I don’t want to talk about it.”
My whole world came crashing down, and at that moment, that had been the worst news I had ever received. Six years later, and with my mom long gone, I thank God for the diagnosis! I thank him for the diagnosis because it prepared us to say goodbye. Through the diagnosis it allowed me to experience God’s love in a way that I had never felt before. I remember that, towards the end of her life, my mother looked around her room and told me all the beautiful things she saw. She described the colors as beautiful and vibrant. She told me her parents (who passed away years ago) were with her, and she could hear music. My mother was in complete and total awe of what she was experiencing, and she couldn’t believe I couldn’t see it either. That gave me peace and comfort because I knew my mom would be alright. The diagnosis forced me to grow up. Decisions had to be made, and even though my twin sister and I were the youngest, many of those decisions fell on us. I thank God for the diagnosis because it strengthened my relationship with him. He gave me the wisdom to seek therapy when the stress of it all had become too much. I thank God for the diagnosis because it sparked a fire that allowed me to continue the fight.
I think about my sister Krystal and my twin sister Kendra, who both had an untimely and unexpected passing. I thank God for the opportunity to have spoken to them both right before their passing. I thank God that they did not suffer, and I thank God that they don’t have to experience another holiday, birthday, or any day in general dealing with the loss of our mother, who was our “glue.” I feel empowered through my grief during this season. My tears have become my superpower; every tear that has fallen from my eyes is a testament to God’s goodness and mercy.
It’s okay to feel sad during the holiday season but honor your loved ones by continuing to live. Continue the traditions and values that they instilled in you. Don’t ever miss the opportunity to tell someone you love them. Live every day as if it were your last. Appreciate all the things God has given us and always have a heart posture of gratitude. “O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: for his mercy endureth forever.”-Psalm 136:1
My prayers are with the brokenhearted during this season. Before she passed, I asked my mother how I was going to get through life without her. She sighed and said, “Oh, the good Lord will show you the way,” she was right! Thank you for your continued support. As always, please keep my family in your prayers, and I will do the same for you and yours.
-Jazmin Elaine
