Happiness Is A Choice!
Jazmin Elaine
Jun 30, 2021
I know it has been a while since I've posted, and I genuinely appreciate all the love and continued support I have received. I have been in such a great space these last few months. I am so grateful for God and how he is moving in my life. I'll be 30 next month, and I have honestly been struggling with the fact that my mother's not here with me physically. I have reached so many milestones in just this year alone; I wonder if she's proud of me? Just entering a new decade without her scares me. Life seems to be just one big emotional rollercoaster. One minute you're enjoying the ride, and then the next, you're stricken with grief, and it feels like your stomach is in your throat. The blessing that comes with rollercoasters is seatbelts! Meaning, when things start getting scary, you may get thrown around or even tossed to the side; the seatbelt will keep you safe in your seat. I am thankful for God's protection over my life.
As I walk into chapter 30, I've noticed a sense of boldness about myself. Happiness is a choice. Not only do I choose to be happy, but I chose to do it unapologetically. As a result, I may be the happiest I've ever been. I didn't think it was possible to experience such joy of this magnitude, especially after everything I've gone through. My life is far from perfect, but I have completely surrendered and gave it to God. It is so important to give ourselves grace as far as dealing with struggles that we come across. Life will knock you down, but we must find the strength to get back up. Sometimes it may take us longer than others to get up, but that's where grace comes in, and you must be gentle and patient with yourself.
I always hear the church folks say, "Get into position," "Go get your blessings," but I have never heard them talk about how to receive or cope with the "blessing." Have you ever received a gift from someone that was too great to accept? It's not that you're unappreciative of the gesture that was given, but you feel unworthy. I have put walls up for so long, not allowing people to get too close to me. As a result, I was unable to receive genuine love from people. I am not saying that I wasn't loved; I'm simply expressing the fact that I haven't always been able to receive it. I couldn't receive true genuine love because I didn't truly and genuinely love myself. I started to feel a "shift" in my life. I asked God to surround me with genuine people who would spiritually, mentally, and emotionally pour into me. It can be discouraging when you have a big heart. You feel like all people do is take from you; they drain you until there is nothing left. I asked God to show me the people who are not for me. Sometimes we ask God for signs, and then we ignore them. Once I prayed that prayer, I would become physically ill every time I got around certain people. Once I noticed the patterns, I asked God to remove them, and that's what he did. That doesn't mean they were terrible people; it just means they didn't fit into the will that God has for my life. I surrendered those friendships, and God has blessed me with amazing people who continue to pour into me every time we speak. I've never felt more secure in my life. Everything that I was conditioned to think was a flaw is what they like the most about me. No, I don't need validation from anyone other than God, but it is nice to be admired for once. Thankfully I am now opened to receiving the love God has and wants for me, even when it's from others.
I have written in previous blogs that I had been carrying a lot of shame around with me. I was ashamed of my past, present, and potentially my future. I usually get into a bit of funk around my birthday, especially when I start to self-reflect. Of course, my life doesn't look like what I thought it would look like by 30, but I am ok with that. I understand that it is not my timing, but it's God's. I'm learning to adjust my expectations and go with the flow because it's not my will, but it's His over my life. I must constantly work on my relationship with him; I know it will work out for my good. "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."-Romans 8:28
Overall, I am excited to see what God has planned for my family. As always, continue to pray for us, and I'll pray for you. Again, thank you for the continued love and support.
