The Holiday Blues...
Jazmin Elaine
Dec 17, 2021
Updated: Jul 15, 2024
It’s the holiday season, and like others, it’s hitting me like a ton of bricks! I call it “The Holiday Blues,” and man, do they have my emotions CUTTING UP!!!!! I can’t even listen to “Silent Night” by The Temptations anymore without crying. Dealing with anxiety and depression is exhausting; it’s two extremes on opposite ends of the spectrum. My mind is constantly racing, worrying about the next thing, but the depression leaves me stuck in bed with no strength to make a change. Some days I don’t feel a thing; I make it through the day on autopilot. Those days have become my favorite because sometimes it’s just too much to “feel.”
Being a teacher can be challenging for grief, especially around the holidays. We discuss different traditions and family, and it’s hard not to reflect on how things used to be. I am very open about the challenges I face regarding my mental health, and unfortunately, I’ve come across a few people who tell me not to “speak that over my life.” I understand that there is life and death in the power of the tongue, but acknowledging that something is wrong doesn’t mean that I am or anyone else is doing it to themselves. We must recognize these challenges because they’ll surface in other ways when you bury them. I have been around substance abuse and addiction my whole life; it’s almost like it’s in my DNA!!! I have NEVER had a drinking problem, nor have I ever been into drugs, but even though that was never my thing, I feel like it calls me at times. On stressful days it’s natural to want to come home and drink a glass of wine or go to happy hour with your friends to relax. I can’t do that because it becomes a “safe space” for me, so my “drug” of choice has become writing or talking to other people who can relate to me. I speak up to give others a voice who may not fully understand what they may be going through. To create a safe space to let others know it’s OK not to be OK! To testify and let everyone know that God has and will always meet me where I am, even in my darkest moments.
It’s essential to create boundaries because people will convince you to “move on.” I CAN’T just move on when a part of me is missing! If you injured a limb, you’re not going to keep using it; you’re going to take the proper steps in getting it treated so that you can heal and not get reinjured. That’s the same attitude we should have regarding our grief or mental health in general. Grief shattered my SOUL on January 6th,2020, when my mother passed away. On September 6th,2021, exactly 18 months later, I had just started to try and figure out what pieces go together, and here comes life with her funky little attitude stomping on the few pieces that I had put together and once again SHATTERED my SOUL! That was when I received the news that my sister Krystal had passed away. SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!? I often find myself questioning why my family was dealt the hand we were dealt. I try not to dwell on it too much because I know I’ll never understand it. I know that it’s all part of His plan, and we just have to go with the flow. The pain runs so deep at times. In places where I didn’t even know existed. Times like this are when I am the most grateful for my relationship with God. He knows where it hurts and is an expert in healing.
To those suffering from “The Holiday Blues,” my heart is with you. Holidays can be another challenge when it comes to grief. The world keeps going while we’re reminded of the loss we’ve endured. I became envious of hearing others make plans for the holidays, knowing that won’t be my reality. If you have the holiday blues, all I can say is take care of yourself and do what YOU want to do. If that means treating it like a regular day, do it! If it means laying in bed, eating snacks, and crying all day, DO IT! If it means spending time with another family this year, DO IT! We have to take care of ourselves because we didn’t go through all this for anything. There are people assigned to us waiting for us to get it together. I want to say is congratulations on making it until the end of the year. Many have been suffering and wanted to give up a long time ago, God kept you for a reason, and I’m thankful for that. I will be ending my year in therapy; I have been running from it for almost two years now, and I am optimistic about the journey I am about to embark on. As always, continue to pray for my family, and I will pray for you and yours.
Lastly, Krystal’s birthday is on Christmas day, so I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New year; I would like to wish my big sis a HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAYYY!!!!!
